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A Camping We Will Go (written during the Cragmere Camping feast 1999, between mouthfuls to appease the Bardic autocrat milady Reann) tune of: "The Farmer in the Dell" lyrics: HL Elizabeth Chatfeld and HL Marina la Pica A camping we will go A camping we will go Hi ho so merri - o A camping we will go We're packing up the truck Wish us all good luck! The muffler's holed, The brakes are mush, Fees ate up our last buck. We pull up to the site In the middle of the night; The rope it broke, The tent fell down, My lord and I did fight. The constable came by, He helped us with our fly. The night was long, The rain was strong; I wish that we were dry. The next day it dawned hot We sweated quite a lot; The river drew us To its side; I dived in with a 'plop' Naked I did swim Although I'm not quite slim; The King came by But not to spy Egad! Did I scare him! A camping we did go Our truck it is so slow But that's okay; We'll be back one day In twenty years or so. © Jean P. Clark and Amber Oaks, 1999 published with permission COPYING PERMITTED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY A Cragmere Song tune: theme from Gilligan's Island lyrics: HL Elizabeth Chatfeld AS XXXI Sit right back, I'll tell you a tale A tale of an Incipient Shire. They started on these island shores - In a land called Craig-mire. (That's Cragmere not Craigmire.) The MoS is a mighty fighter With a helm so wide and long The first time that he got it hit - It rang out like a gong. (A really loud gong.) The Seneschal, (who was once Omar) Put the helm upon the stand. Brings it to our business meeting for - When we get out of hand. (We always get out of hand.) Lochlan arrives an hour late His talking doesn't cease, Until he's hit and down he goes - He needs an iron codpiece. (Give him an iron codpiece.) Now all ye gentles, I'd go on For a least an hour or two, But to save time I must say now - We're a strange and motley crew. (Our singing's ok too.) Now it is time to end this song With just a small thank you, To all the folk in proud Cragmere - And now I'll name a few. (Only one or two.) There's Cauis - and Anicia too Alexander and Katarina. Muirgheal and Charles Qiturah, Rhys and Reann Here on our rocky Isle. © Jean P.Clark 1997. published with permission COPYING PERMITTED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY A Filkin' We Will Go written in reply to "A Camping We Will Go" tune of "The Farmer in the Dell" lyrics: HL Reann inghean Chearbhaill A filkin' we will go A filkin' we will go Hi ho the derry – o A filkin' we will go The filker sings off key The filker sings off key Hi ho the derry – o The filker sings off key The filker tends to SHRIEK The filker tends to SHRIEK Hi ho the derry – o The filker tends to SHRIEK The filker cannot make a line to scan The filker cannot make a line to scan Hi ho the derry – o The filker cannot make a line to scan The filk songs are too long The filk songs are too long Hi ho the derry – o The filk songs are too long The filker stands ALONE The filker stands ALONE Hi ho the derry – o The filker stands ALONE. © Carol Hamill 2001 published with permission COPYING PERMITTED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY Armour is a Girl's Best Friend tune of "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" lyrics: HL Marina la Pica and HL Elizabeth Chatfeld (AS XXXV) A kiss on the hand may be really quite genteel But armour is a girl's best friend. A kiss may be grand but it won't buy the metal, For a new vanbrace. Or help you buy some leather lace. Lords grow cold, as girls grow old And we all lose our looks in the end. So armour up and ride out, Win rich lands and you'll shout . . . Armour is a Girl's Best Friend ! © Jean P.Clark and Amber Oaks, 2000. published with permission COPYING PERMITTED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY The Bastard of Zeus (or Herc! Herc!) tune of: 'Sweet Betsy On The Pike" lyrics: Rhys Ap Dafydd AS XXXIV I once was a warlord, my legions well-paid My tributes to Aries were already made The land was so ripe for my forces to invade But when the day came things were badly delayed, by that … Chorus: Herc! Herc! the demigod jerk. That bastard of Zeus he keeps wrecking my work He's too bloody nice and his worst moral perk Is his big golden heart. It just makes me berserk! I now run a slave ring, a good honest trade. I've got women and children acquired in some raids My life was all set to make lots of denars But then he came back, my plans didn't go far, cuz of … I found some religion, high priesthood is nice They've brought me some small children, to sacrifice. They were trussed up and ready for under my knife But guess who shows up just to ruin my life, it was … I bought a nice brothel, the new slave girls came in With their bodies just ripe for wild oats of sin I'll indulge my desires, while profits roll in But here he comes now, it's not fair! I can't win, against … Now I've sought out the aid of a fearsome warlord A warrior princess, she lives by the sword When I sought to enlist her, this gabby bard said, "She's converted to good and she's now allied to, that guy" … My one final plan now to stem his good tide I'll become a god and I'll join Hera's side One taste of ambrosia and off to the skies But then he arrives and my dream is denied, by that … Well you know the game's over, there's no where to hide When you're on Aries and Hera's bad side And pissing off Zeus rather ended my days Now I'm sitting in Tartarus in the realm of Hades, cuz of … © Wayne Mansbridge 1999 published with permission COPYING PERMITTED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY Borgia Bunch tune of: theme from: The Brady Bunch lyrics: Rhys Ap Dafydd AS XXXIV There's a cardinal – called Rodrigo Who'd been unflowering so many lovely girls he had a lot of gold, and bastard children From every whore in Rome. He had a son – named Cesare Who had delusions of grandeur of his own Growing power mad, killing his brother So he could rule alone. They had such orgies – of sin, sodomy and scandal And with Lucrezia, well there's much more than a hunch Of the rumors they kept in the family … and that's all I'll say about the Borgia Bunch! … The Borgia Bunch! The Borgia Bunch! That's the history of the Borgia Bunch! © Wayne Mansbridge 1999 published with permission COPYING PERMITTED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY |
God Rest Ye Gentles, Merry All tune of " God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" lyrics: HL Marina la Pica and HL Elizabeth Chatfeld (AS XXXVI) God rest ye gentles, merry all It's White Court time again The colours have been cho-osen – "You say you wanted Renn?" Let's dye that garb from red to blue And hope the colours blend. Oh, Panic and Chaos rule the day, rule the day Oh, Pan-ic and Chaos rule the day. Smoke is rising from the kitchen Our contribution's toast. Pity please this blacked rock; It used to be a roast. Back to the store for bread and cheese, Of this we will not boast. Oh, Thrifty's will help us save the day, save the day Oh, Thrif-ty's will help us save the day. Our Lizzie's in the driver's seat, The map will show the way; If we had but remembered it We'd not have gone astray. The compass is again askew Getting lost is her forté Oh, put up a sign along the way, along the way, Oh, p-ut up a sign along the way. © Jean P. Clark and Amber Oaks, 1999 published with permission COPYING PERMITTED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY Honour An Tir, Honour Cragmere tune: "Non nobis and te Deum" by Patrick Doyle from film: Henry V (Branaugh version] lyrics: HL Reann inghean Chearbhaill AS XXXIV Honour An Tir, Honour Cragmere In service to the dream We together stand, To teach and learn Our voice united as one. Honora An Tir, Honora Cragmere In servitibus ad somne Una stamus in concordorum Docere et cognoscere. © Carol Hamill 1999 published with permission COPYING PERMITTED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY The Last Pantheon Wanderer tune of: "The Last Saskatchewan Pirate" by "Arrogant Worms" lyrics: Rhys Ap Dafydd I used to be a hermit and I had a calling fine. I had a strange experience inside a sacred shrine. My body just transcended and my knowledge was divine. I can now do any miracle until the end of time. I went to every kind of town to teach them what I know. But they would scoff, spit in my face and tell me where to go. Then one night an angry mob burned me at the stack … Just to scream and hide in terror, just because I could not bake Then I felt "to Hell with them. I'll leave this lousy job" "I'm gonna quit the holy life and turn into a god". Chorus: Cause it's a HEAVE HO!, HIGH HO! Comin' down the planes Stealin' through the heavens and along the astral lanes And it's a HO HEY!, HIGH HEY! Life is really fun Just to be a jolly wanderer and roam the pantheon. Well, I met Allah in Paradise and Venus is a dish I took a dip with Dagon and I saw a lot of fish. I was drinking with Dionysus, who made the finest wine And the luscious Aphrodite, really showed me a good time. This scandal in Olympus has Hera full of strife. Her husband Zeus, the king of gods, has led a double life. The latest news from Hermes, that caused her hair to curl, When Zeus confessed he had affairs with lots of mortal girls. Well Jehovah is a strange one, his mind is in a mist. He lives alone cuz he's convinced that only he exists. Even wandered on the earth, believing he was his own son And now he argues with himself and thinks he's three in one. Ah, swinging with immortals, gods and other deities No more chanting holy prayers and screw morality. SCREW IT Sailing down the cosmos, wild and young and free. If you wanna have my blessing boy, ya gotta worship me! Well godhood is appealing but converting men is hard. I've heard the in Valhalla, now they're using skalds and bards They roam across the North, singing "Odin is the way", But he always looses followers, when one bard falls astray. Well, evolution's comin', there's a new philosophy. The mortals have a crazy fad called 'Rationality'. So I'll appear in visions and they'll make them holy sites And then my cult will rule the world – when the time is right. © Wayne Mansbridge 1999 published with permission COPYING PERMITTED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY Row, Boys, Row lyrics by: Freydis Egilsdottir and Mikhail Heimdallson to the tune of "The Chemical Workers Song" recorded by: Great Big Sea And it's Row, boys, row And pull with every breath And every day you live this way You're two days nearer death So we'll row … Well, we filled the ship with men And waved a quick goodbye. To raid far off lands beyond Where sea comes to the sky. But there's thunder all around me And storms rage ever near There's an ugly swell, from Nieflhelm But damned if I'll go there. And it's Row boys, row And pull with every breath And every day you live this way You're two days nearer death So we'll row … Well, we burnt a coastal village And we breathed the oily smoke. When galloped up more guardsmen To avenge their fallen folk. We fought back to the shoreline Just to watch half our ships burn But closed up ranks and butchered Franks Until the tide could turn. Then it's Row boys, row And pull with every breath And every day you live this way You're two days nearer death So we'll row … There's fame and fortune, Raiding opportunities galore The young men join for glory, But we're always needing more. For they all die too quickly And far younger than they should For every day spent on a raid You pay with flesh and blood But it's Row boys, row And pull with every breath And every day you live this way You're two days nearer death So we'll row … Well, we got back to our steading And I'm telling you no lie We've raided far off lands beyond Where sea comes to the sky But there's solemn looks around me And some mutters in the air But look me lads: it ain't so bad, Our hold's full with Sif's hair I mean Gold boys Gold! And fame to make them sing So with this pay, for every day We will live on like kings … Yes, it's Gold boys Gold! And fame to make them sing So with this pay, for every day We will live on like kings … ... Vikings … © Christina Mehs and Mike Fifi published with permission COPYING PERMITTED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY Shire of Cragmere Meatballs Song lyrics: Willelm Bogamann (Bill Cocker) AS XXXV tune of: "Galway Bay" or the "Oscar Meyer wiener theme song" Let me sing to you the tale of Cragmere meatballs, A tragedy as you will plainly see. Of an eminently edible confection Compounded from a secret recipe. At the camel race I ate a Cragmere meatball, Then I ate more till I'd had a great surfeit. I heard someone say let's throw them in the garbage, They taste funny and they look like camel spit. Now I've heard some folks were poisoned by out meatballs. And I'll say no more of that except to note That they probably forgot to drink the coffee, A universal meatball antidote. On December 6th we had a lot of meatballs, Enough to feed a company or two. To be eaten with a side dish of spaghetti Or even put into an Irish stew. Oh! You would have liked our Shire of Cragmere meatballs, They really were the perfect festive meal. They were munchy and so crunchy and so tasty, With a flavor very much like charbroiled veal. You could use them if you played a game of Bocci Or even fire them from your trebuchet. You could eat them cold or even eat them hot, gee! Now some thief has gone and stolen them away! You're too late to try our Shire of Cragmere meatballs, For some rotten robbers scoffed them one and all. We can hope they all come down with botulinus And wind up in St. Joseph's Hospital. All the game that we had gathered for the Norse Feast Went along to keep the meatballs company. Let us pray the thieves receive some Viking justice And end up down at Piercy's RIP. © William Cocker 2001 published with permission tune available at Mudcat Café website COPYING PERMITTED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY |